Silence OMG. Y’all talk SO much. I do, too. The rush of words is exhausting and the words are so lazy. THAT is how I felt when I got home from my 5 day silent retreat this week.
Silence. How does silence make you feel? When I told most people that I was going to a Zen Center in Santa Fe for a 5 day silent retreat they all said they wouldn’t be able to do it. Of course, I quickly assure them that they could. The Zen students don’t just drop you in the zendo (large hall) and make you sit quietly for hours. There is real, honest, kind instruction on how to sit on the zafu (cushion) and what to do when you are overwhelmed by your mind. Silence is just the wrapping around the activity and not something to frighten you.
The retreat was mostly silent – from 9PM to 4PM were silent. That meant meditation, writing practice, working, walking, meals – the whole thing. There was some talking when we were asking questions or being asked a question, but mostly we were silent. 70 people, 2 teachers, 2 assistants and 20 Zen Students all present in one place silently – pretty amazing feeling. It’s hard not to feel a rush of energy when everyone is doing the same practice… even when they are doing it silently.
What I Know Isn’t Working?
Silence, y’all. More time listening. I am the first to tell you that I’m a burster – I burst out information, ideas, opinions like they are spouting out of my mouth like a firework. It isn’t always pretty and it certainly isn’t always useful. Don’t worry. I know.
I came home and was inducted into the world by the first presidential debate between Clinton and Trump and goodness gracious what ridiculous posturing on both sides. Honestly the worst way to enter back into the world of talking, but also a resounding lesson on why that silent moment I had during the retreat was so important. Words DO matter and when we are spouting off, blaming, shaming, being cruel, not even knowing what we are talking about – we are just wasting everyones time and possibly creating ripples that we don’t even know about.
Instead of being the first to shout out – perhaps I can just watch how people are thinking (the zen idea of this is to watch their minds) and see how I am thinking. I can be quiet. Silent. Listen and watch. I don’t have to give my idea, opinion, thoughts on every living thing. My own lazy conversation isn’t always helping. Talking to talk isn’t necessary. So shutting up might be a huge lesson for me and speaking when I have thoughtfully considered my ideas.
All the talking, but is anyone saying anything? Let’s #ShutUp
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How Could Silence Work In My Life?
Boundaries: I am often (I like to say accosted, but approached is probably better) in public spaces to give my opinion on any given topic. This happens in real life and online and instead of answering off the cuff, if it is something I care about, I can say, “wow this matters to me. Let’s have coffee to talk over that meaningfully.” If I don’t care I can just say that I don’t really have an opinion. Level of Difficulty? Doable.
Just Shutting Up: It’s meetings where I’m the worst. I just want to pipe up constantly. Instead, I am going to try just listening and if I can’t do that I’m going to take notes. When I have something of real value I will try to state that as calmly as possible. This is where my real challenge will be and a total work in progress. Level of Difficulty? Off the charts hard for me.
Everyday Life: Sometimes I use my phone as a distraction and call people to chit chat to fill the time. That sometimes leads to lazy talk or even gossip and I don’t leave the conversation feeling good about that at all. So… goodbye lazy conversation. Level of Difficulty? Challenging when I am feeling lonely, but possible.
Learn to Talk Less, Say More: That is the goal I am striving for. To be thoughtful in my speech and to listen more than I talk. I want my words, ultimately, to matter. All of them and if that means shutting my trap once in a while I will be happy to do it. Level of Difficulty? The total goal of this and worth any moment of difficulty.
There is a lot of talk about listening to your intuition, to god, to your small still place – well you can’t do that if you are talking all of the time. You actually have to shut up a bit to hear it. Not ONCE has my intuition been wrong, but sometimes I’m too busy shouting above the noise to listen to it. If I would just make room for quiet in my life I might be a little more directed. So, shhhh….
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