Last week I had the honor of representing my Main Street program at the Main Street America Conference in Milwaukee. I led two sessions; one on attracting travel bloggers to your small town and one on getting other people to do your social media. They were both full sessions and it was great to visit with so many dedicated folks across the US.
My main take away was that I live in an amazing place. Other small towns and communities are working with less infrastructure, more challenges, and have so many more needs. My town, Eureka Springs, is amazing. People dream of living here, visiting here and wanting to share it with friends and family. What struck me was the only people I ever hear complaining about my town is my own community. Everyone else loves it.
I get it. You only complain about the things that you are involved in – mostly, I’m sure there are exceptions. For the most part though you complain about your job, your family, your bowling league, your husband – things that you are deeply engaged in. You don’t complain about the community next to you because you aren’t really part of that town. You, instead have laser like focus on your own community.
Does Complaining Work
On some level complaining does work. Change can be sparked by a complaint and if the right person hears it action can happen. That’s the key. Complaining to the person who can make something happen. Just complaining doesn’t change anything. In fact, it probably makes things worse. It feels like we are just venting, airing our frustration to make ourselves feel better but it’s actually making everyone around us and ourselves feel worse. In fact the science says it may actually be killing us.
“People don’t break wind in elevators more than they have to. Venting anger is…similar to emotional farting in a closed area. It sounds like a good idea, but it’s dead wrong,” psychologist Jeffrey Lohr, who has studied venting, memorably explained.” (from an article on Inc. Magazine)
Is There Another Way
Solution based thinking works. That’s where you see something that could be better or different and you create an action plan to making it better. You gather the team around you who can make it happen, you develop the strategy and you move forward. All of your energy is spent making change happen. There is no time or energy for complaining. You are too busy making stuff happen.
The other option is to focus and be mindful about what you are doing and not worry so much about what everyone else is doing. You aren’t here to be the “superhero of fix everyone and everything” – you can, instead, focus on your own stuff and make that right. I know I have a lifetime of things to fix!
I’m not a superhero here to fix everyone else. Really.
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Stopping Complainers In Their Tracks
Stopping complainers is hard work. They like to wrap you up in their head trip and get you to agree with their view of life. I am a BIG fan of the head tilt, smile and “mmmm”. It isn’t an answer. I’m not engaging in the conversation. I’m not offering them solutions. I’m not commiserating. I’m just present. This doesn’t work on the phone. Sadly. Instead you have to be silent. Which is awkward and weird, but it will shut a conversation down.
My Ongoing Project
I realized on this trip that I am just as guilty as the next guy of complaining or looking for fault in someone else’s actions. I’ve had my fair share of bitch sessions. None of those sessions got many results and were, in fact, a waste of my time. My new idea is to just stop it when I start complaining myself and to stop people in their tracks when they are headed down that path themselves.
We aren’t getting better as a community by tearing each other apart. In fact, we may be making each other ill in our desire to be ever vigilant for wrong doings and imperfect projects. We could instead use our energy to celebrate one another and focus on our own stuff.
So, that’s it. My own work. To be focused on my own work and to be mindful in conversations. I suspect it is a lifetime challenge, but I chose to live in a beautiful town and am thrilled to be in a place that makes this challenge worthwhile.
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